Convert all your “No” to “Yes”
Your “No” is not necessary for your children. “No” is a word to be used in moderation, it is powerful enough to destroy self-image and bring helplessness in your children.
What if you learn to turn all your “No” to “Yes”?
When your child does something and you don’t like that your “No” comes quite often. The child realizes the power the word “No” carries and starts using it to assert himself. Whenever we say “No” we are reminding our child that we are the boss and the decision makes. And at the same time, it puts the child in a defensive position and therefore may try to defy us even more.
“No, I can’t … and Yes, I can …” are two different expressions. “No, I can’t help you. And Yes, I’ll help you as soon as I’m done with my work” are different. They have the different experience on us. Our “No” can make our children prefer not to ask for help and manage on their own instead of risking rejection. They might miss out on something they actually needed.
When our child asks if he can go to a movie. Instead of saying “No, you haven’t done your school project”, say “Yes, as soon as you’re done with your school project.”
The child asked for a cookie before a meal. Instead of saying “No, we’re just about to eat our meal”, say “Yes, as soon as you’re done with your meal.”
The child wants us to give him his favourite I-Phone. Instead of saying “No, you have one now, I can’t afford”, try saying “Yes, as soon as I get my raise.”
Our children say “No” often, because they experience our “No” often. For example, if we catch our child climbing on furniture, change your pattern and say “Wait, let me help you.” Also, try to avoid closed questions to which children could answer with a simple Yes or No.