The most effective way to create and sustain healthy relationships is to take full responsibility for the relationship, “Acceptance” makes relationship learning, growing and enlightening.

Practicing “Acceptance” is not natural for most of us. It takes real commitment to the relationship and a good dose of self-discipline to think, act and give totally. Each of us must determine the relationships to which this principle should apply. For most of us, it applies to others and not to ourselves; seldom have we applied to ourselves.

What you can do to make the relationship work? We know what we can do, however not doing is the key. In many occasions we fail to demonstrate respect and kindness to the others, we think whether they deserve it or not; we express only if they deserve. We invite and allow anything the other person says or does (no matter how annoying!) to affect us. We are not persistent with our graciousness and kindness. Often we give up too soon, especially when others don't respond in kind. We expect many things in return.

At times, the relationship can remain challenging, even toxic, despite our total commitment and self-discipline. At situations we need to avoid being the "Knower" and shift to being the "Learner." We express few knower statements/ thoughts like "that won't work," "I'm right, you are wrong," "I know it and you don't," "I'll teach you," "that's just the way it is," "I need to tell you what I know," etc.

Instead we can use learner statements/thoughts like "Let me find out what is going on and try to understand the situation," "I could be wrong," "I wonder if there is anything of value here," "I wonder if..." etc. In other words, as a Learner, be curious!

When we take authentic responsibility and express our acceptance for a relationship, more often than not the other person quickly chooses to take responsibility as well. Consequently, the relationship quickly transforms into something that is “Total”. When that occurs, true breakthroughs happen for the individuals involved, their teams, their organizations and their families.