What defines your worth? Normally, we define our worth externally, through others' approval’ and ‘acceptance’. We think, or we have been programmed to define our weight, our hair, our money, our job, our car, our clothes, our house, our mate, or the people we know as our worth. This attitude of looking outside to discover our worth creates considerable amount of hurt and guilt, which results in creating unhealthy self – image. With unhealthy self – image, I become a lone wounded solider – a Ninja. When our carefully nurtured Ninja is operating, we are constantly trying to look right and perform right, in order to get others attention, love and approval. The emotionally wounded solider feels worthy only when he receives validation from people around. This creates pain, anger, helplessness, stress and anxiety – emotional disturbance. We feel insecure when our whole sense of worth hinges upon getting others' approval and attention. We may even feel panicked w
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People who do good things feel good about themselves! Once upon a time in ancient Dwarasamudra, there lived a beautiful princess; Priyanka. One day, her father the King Vikrama announced that he would give his daughter's hand in marriage to the noblest, kindest, most honest man in the land. Many, eager to marry a beautiful royal wife, came to woo the princess. One of these men was Maha Rana - a criminal who had heard that the princess would be choosing from among her suitors. Maha Rana knew he could not win her if she saw who he was, so he made himself a mask with the most honorable expression. He put on the mask and went to call on the princess Priyanka. When she met him, she was very taken with his impressive mask. "I think I shall marry this one," she told her father. "For clearly, he is the noblest, kindest, most honest man among all the others." The King Vikrama announced a wedding date for one year hence. Maha Rana - the criminal w
One day, I was walking through the walking paths of woods of the ashrama. It was a gorgeous evening; Sun was preparing to set. Suddenly, there was a big snake in front of me. I had almost stepped on, no one around and this could be painful death. I was paralyzed by fear, my body had broken into a sweat, my heart was beating to pop out. But then, suddenly Guruji came and he dared to have a glance at the snake. Surprisingly, he claimed, “Devadutta, it is a rope. That snake is a rope”. Now I realized I am safe and free from the fear of the snake. I can encounter this false snake for years after year. The entire Gurukula or for that matter the entire world could come upon this snake and scare themselves to death – I could remain fearlessly. Guruji continued, “We build up our own stories, fear, pain and judgements about why it is a snake and not a rope. Our argument is to prove that the rope is a snake. We see and make others see a snake in the rope”. Now
Your Values: The back bone of your society, organization, family and your life! Over the last couple of years, We, Anugraha Foundation – The foundation for living values, has been engaged in building a holistic infrastructure on the human resource front to realize a definite leadership aspiration in the global arena. Sreyas, our self – growth initiative, Madhuvarshini, family value initiative, Excellence at workplace, our organizational transformation initiative, are our salutation to the mission of “Living Values” and are milestones of this purposeful journey. And very recently, a new and significant initiative has been launched across the learning to transform horizon wherein we have more sharply associated with people in learning, clarifying, assimilating and living values. Values define characters and personality; Values guide, shape and influence our behavior, choices and actions. The external world perceives and responds to us based on the way we go about conducting ou
You can make a difference in contributing to make your children emotionally mature! It is important for parents and caregivers to implement certain learning factors at home. It is important to learn all about children and child development, understanding and accepting a child without being judgment may help improve our attitudes. It is important to remain connected with children; this could be through few family events and meets, going on a walk, playing games, reading a book together, having food together or engaging in any other activities as a family. Have friends who are emotional mature. Manage stress in a healthy way. Take time for yourself to re-engineer your values and attitudes. Discover your masks and the truth about you. Ensure that you are leaving your child with people that you trust will care for your child as you would. Learn how to support family and friends during difficulties and stressful times and encourage them to seek h
We have imprisoned ourselves in jails of our own mind; likes and dislikes are the judge. We have sentenced ourselves to life imprisonment. We live the lives of fear, desperation and insecurity. It is the worst kind of punishment we are doing to our own lives. It is violence - the result of not living values. We aim to live through the better moment; in that mission we try all tricks, gimmicks and put total effort to wear masks of different colours. End of the day, we make a life of dishonest; we miss the glorious moment and every moment; slip into the past or future. In this way, we miss most of our lives. Our cumulative dishonesty have cost us and the others. Namely, those who have respect, love and care for us - living with the mask continues.... our aim to live the better moment too continues!
Convert all your “No” to “Yes” Your “No” is not necessary for your children. “No” is a word to be used in moderation, it is powerful enough to destroy self-image and bring helplessness in your children. What if you learn to turn all your “No” to “Yes”? When your child does something and you don’t like that your “No” comes quite often. The child realizes the power the word “No” carries and starts using it to assert himself. Whenever we say “No” we are reminding our child that we are the boss and the decision makes. And at the same time, it puts the child in a defensive position and therefore may try to defy us even more. “No, I can’t … and Yes, I can …” are two different expressions. “ No, I can’t help you. And Yes, I’ll help you as soon as I’m done with my work ” are different. They have the different experience on us. Our “No” can make our children prefer not to ask for help and manage on their own instead of risking rejection. They might miss out on something they a
Do we have the strength to use the power within us? Yes, the power within us, we all have a unique power, which we can use to create our life purposefully. We have the power to will, the power to act and the power to know. Life is in balance only if these powers are in balance. Our power to will and power to act leads us to know and understand things better: power to know. Similarly, wherever there is power to know, power to will and power to act follows. Whole life is surrounded by these energies or power. We exhibit that energy which is predominant in us. If we have right knowledge and will, the right action automatically follows. We get right knowledge only if we have a right will. It is a very rare opportunity to have balanced powers. To survive as a successful human being “Healthy Self-Image” is very essential. It is our understanding of self-worth. Life can be enormously painful, if we think we are not worthy and carry an unhealthy estimation. Self – image
Once Guruji having his morning walk on the beach, where it will be a normal site to see homeless children playing on the beach. Upon enquiry, he found that some families are earning few rupees a day and few are nothing. Immediately, Guruji initiated a morning discourse on parenting on the beach. Initially it was a small group to start with. That started growing and after on hour it was a big group on the beach listening to Guruji on parenting. In this discourse Guruji could collect few hundred Rupees as donation or as Guru dakshina. So when Guruji got some money from his initiative, he made a point to spend a few extra Rupees to get some life essential medicines, food or blanket and clean drinking water for them. Guruji went around the families on the beach and distribute. Guruji wanted us to learn to share and be thankful with what we have. We may not have much bit, however, seeing people smile will always be worth it. It makes us rich by manifold i
My blanket...
How big is my blanket? We are used to throw a blanket over every painful situation. We fail to deal with; we spend our life in denial and not in acceptance mode. This situation is similar like spreading a clean bed sheet neatly covering up a lot of junk. It would be a lot of bother to reorganize the whole thing, so we just cover it up. We cannot accept it because it looks ugly and thus we want everything to look nice for appreciation and recognition. This is exactly what we do in our lives. We deny anything that is painful and, to do this, we have all sorts of devices. We use a huge blanket to cover-up all that looks ugly. Are we not presenting a makeup mask by hiding all that we don’t like? Perhaps it was the right thing to do at that time, but it becomes a trait afterwards. It is difficult to accept to do the right things; but it is worth doing.
Long ago when I came in contact with my Guruji, I couldn't tell myself that I can do this and that; few good things. I was under the impression that even by doing or trying I wont be able to do something worthwhile. Slowly I started trying few things like choosing new things; different adventurous things and especially overcoming my fears, inhibitions, resistances and judgments. I started experimenting with my choices. I was pretty much scared of everything that is why I couldn't explore my creative energy. But my stay with Guruji change me a lot, as I started knowing myself in the mirror of Guruji’s insights, I started exploring things, evolving as a person, thinking Guruji is there with me. That was the beginning of my self-belief and now when I look at myself in the mirror I can proudly say, “This is me – The unbelievable me”. I learnt to keep on reminding one thing to myself “Devadutta, never lose hope; Trust that you would be able to make through it no m
Guruji, how do we stop the sabotage? Devadutta, you may discover, to what extent you pay attention to your thoughts and internal dialogue – self-talk. When you hear your inner voice say anything limiting or unhealthy, stop and replace that thought with what you really are, and trust you deserve it. You have to take action into making that a reality. Act as if it were already true. When you do this, you realize that you are serious about making a change, and you will assist you into getting what you really want. It will take a little time to start manifesting, but you will see a difference. Changing your thoughts, words and actions results in changing your life. Basically you get what you give. If you sow healthy things and desires, you will receive them in abundance. Dig deep to determine what you want in your life before you can begin achieving it your way. Be specific about what you want and when you want it. Give yourself a timeline for your goal. Spend time thinking an
At the very beginning Devadutta failed to accept that he can do certain things; when he came into Gurukula, he had many things in his mind that he can’t do. He thought he can’t even try do some things. Often he thought he is a failure and of no use, no importance and no worth. After sometime he started trying new things like washing plates and glasses, washing his clothes, folding his bed sheets, respecting others etc… Slowly he overcame his fears of “I can’t do it”. He was pretty much scared of everything; not sure of himself; ridden by self-doubt, that is why he couldn't explore his abilities. But with time as he started knowing himself, he started exploring things. That was the beginning of his self-belief and now when he looks at himself in the mirror he can proudly say "I can do it”. Just keep on reminding one thing to yourself 'never lose trust and always accept and know that you would be able to make through it no matter how hard it gets – it is t
Once, in the Gurukula, students were sharing a clay pot to keep drinking water. Every day they were pouring fresh water for drinking. One day Devadutta complained to Guruji that the water tasted "Stale". He continued complaining for a few days. Guruji came and checked the pot, he drank the water and could not find any “Stale” taste; the water really tasted fine. In the meantime, Devadutta continued his complaining. Finally, Guruji figured out the problem and the problem was actually in Devadutta’s cup. Devadutta simply forgot to clean his cup. Guruji cleaned Devadutta’s cup, and gave him a cup of water. Devadutta drank the water with no problem. Later Guruji said “Devadutta, check your cup and clean it. When you clean your cup, the water will taste much better”.
The most effective way to create and sustain healthy relationships is to take full responsibility for the relationship, “Acceptance” makes relationship learning, growing and enlightening. Practicing “Acceptance” is not natural for most of us. It takes real commitment to the relationship and a good dose of self-discipline to think, act and give totally. Each of us must determine the relationships to which this principle should apply. For most of us, it applies to others and not to ourselves; seldom have we applied to ourselves. What you can do to make the relationship work? We know what we can do, however not doing is the key. In many occasions we fail to demonstrate respect and kindness to the others, we think whether they deserve it or not; we express only if they deserve. We invite and allow anything the other person says or does (no matter how annoying!) to affect us. We are not persistent with our graciousness and kindness. Often we give up too soon, especially when ot
What is your true name? If you have not found your true home it is difficult for you to have a true name. Your name should give you the feeling of being at home. Society, family and people around label you and give you a name. Whether you feel at home with that name? Sometimes you are not happy with and thus feel uncomfortable and you don’t feel at home. So the name others give you is not the true name. You should have a true name. Have you discovered your true name? Birthday is to begin anew. To begin anew is to look deeply and honestly at yourselves to discover your true name - your choices in thinking, speech and action. Discovering your true name is to create a fresh beginning within yourselves and in your relationships with the rest. Celebrate your birthday to clear your mind of different names you own up and keep yourself fresh and growing with your true name. Every birthday is an opportunity to begin anew to discover your true name. Beginning anew helps you to b
We can grow in a relationship when we accept responsibility for our choices. By accepting the responsibility for our thoughts and actions we allow people to be as they are. We neutralize our demand for people to be, as we like and dislike, now by relating to people in a relationship as they are we achieve certain degree of maturity and to this degree we have grown. Relationship is total when we grow and discover freedom in it. We have to understand our response toward others behaviour and others response toward our behaviour with a degree of certain maturity. We are mature for some extent if we understand others response as a behaviour helplessly dictated by their likes and dislikes, which has its roots either in the past or in the future; hurt or guilt. We are successful or free in a relationship when we relate to this fact and not with this person. Due to our failure in establishing healthy relationships, pleasing people or listening to people consume our entire life, thus
What Are We Telling Ourself? Often we say, “ It is difficult ” “ It is not possible ” “ All are waiting to hurt me ” “ I am a failure ” and so on. We seldom recognise, "It's a great day and I feel great ” . “ I am good ” . “ I am successful ” . Our attitudes and values counts a lot. Our values keep us engage achieving what we would really value as valuable. If our belief is that we are not good, we keep believing that we are not good, we lose our self-image, become miserable. As long as we keep believing that way, we keep getting worst. The way out is to question our belief system and value ourselves as successful. When we change our likes and dislikes and change our beliefs and accept (value) that we are good and valuable, then our beliefs will be the very thing that will support us in losing our wrong understanding. When we say “ Nothing is working our way, we tried hard . Whatever we do that all fails ” . With such belief system if we work
We want violence to end in the world, peace to prevail. We wage wars to end violence; violence outside is the image of violence inside. Violence inside making us fight and prove that we are right. The violence outside does not end till our inner violence is healed. No change in the outside world can be expected unless our inner world is re-engineered. Our unquestioned likes and dislikes are our inner-world. Our unquestioned likes and dislikes are best friends of ours. We work hard to be in line with our likes and dislikes. People who don’t accept our unquestioned likes and dislikes become our enemies; we put them down, find fault with them and hate them. We do it in our personal, family and professional lives. We take care of our likes and dislike so hard that, we add colours, draw lines and curves, add sound and embellish them so as to market it. We exaggerate situations, seek attention, manipulate things, express insecurity to make people accept our likes and disli
Great personality is built one brick at a time. Indian family structure has been changing; now people value individual needs as an important part of family life. Despite having value conflict we do not hire a mentor to get freedom from conflicts. We could have made astonishing growth by having coach and mentors for personal growth. We are hiding a violent secret: the disease of loneliness, rejection and insecurity. We are allowing it to consume our personal, family and professional life. Families are breaking; no more values are valuable for us. Relationships are being lost, people becoming silent and dejected, friends and relatives are being vanished, creativity is stopped, medicines with fancy names are occupying our wardrobes, escaping has become a normal trend. Many have become the victim of loneliness disease. No one knows the person next to us may be the victim. Yet another wasted life! In India since 2001 the antidepressant drugs market has w
Which wolf are you feeding? Devadutta was a good swimmer. A high performer in Gurukula, music, sports, and life in general, his performance had been dipping as of late. And worse, he was developing a reputation as a “poor performer”. As a high achiever, he was having trouble living up to his own expectations, and becoming quite unhealthy in his personality and demeanour. Once, Guruji explained to his young disciples that within every person there are two wolves in a constant battle. The bad wolf is full of desires, anger, passion, greed, ego, jealously and fear, while the good wolf is full of hope, happiness, love and faith. The young Devadutta asked “But Guruji, who wins?” To which the Guruji replied “The one you feed.” Devadutta liked this story and his mantra became “Feed the good wolf.” He recognized that the doubts in his thoughts were not serving him well, and weren ’ t even his own. So he decided that every time a unhealthy came up, he sai
We wish we could let free certain types of thoughts, have been struggling to drop them. We feel uncomfortable and suffocating in presence of such thoughts. Day in and day out, year after year our effort has been to let these thoughts free from our mind. However, when we dare to question these thoughts truthfully, they drop and let us free – they drop. You are walking through the walking paths of a park and it is a beautiful evening; sun setting and a perfect time to put lights on. You look down and see a big snake, and you are terribly terrified of the snake. You jump back, your heart is racing, your pulse is beating, you are paralyzed with fear, sweat on your brow. Then the lights are on and you look again, and it is not a snake after all – it is a rope. Now imagine standing upon the rope for one hundred years and make yourself afraid of it again and again. You can’t. This is self-realization. You have realized for yourself what is true. You can never be afraid of that